Three emotions I'm feeling after losing my job ...

In September I wrote about a little thing called the VRI within IMB. In an effort to reduce costs, our leadership offered a voluntary retirement incentive to those 50 years of age or older with five years’ experience.

I was qualified. After praying through it and talking with my husband, I declined the incentive.

Two weeks ago, leadership announced a decision to close the Richmond communications center of which I am a part. Thirty of us – writers, editors, photographers, videographers and graphic designers – will be terminated when the center closes in late April. It was quite a shock. Like being plunged into an icy cold river with no life vest, the announcement took my breath away.

For several days, I said things to myself like:

“If only I’d stayed in Asia …”

“If only I’d taken the VRI …”

“If I hadn’t transferred to home office staff …”

Certainly in each of those “if only” scenarios, the effect of last week’s decision would have been significantly different for me personally. However, as my emotions stabilize and God begins to give me perspective, I recognize that God has directed each of the steps we’ve taken the past few years — to move from Thailand to Richmond, to transfer to staff, to decline the VRI.

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps” (Proverbs 16:9, HCSB).

God led me to this place, and He will lead me to the next phase of service, however that looks. 

I’m going to be better than OK! 

As I move beyond the initial shock, anger and sadness, several more positive emotions are rising to the surface:

1. Gratitude: 

I am so thankful I had the opportunity to serve with IMB for 17 years — 13 years as a missionary in media roles in the Philippines, South Korea and Thailand, and four years as a missionary and then staff on the global communications team in Richmond.

The opportunity to do work I love with people I love for a cause I love is indeed a rarity. For 17 years, I was privileged to live and work a dream to be a writer and a missionary — one God planted in my heart when I was 7 years old. How many people can say that?  

2. Confidence: 

As I enter the job market, I realize that confidence is a key to success. Confidence will help me put my best self forward in every situation. Confidence will give me “the edge” I need. But while self-confidence is an important characteristic to cultivate, God-confidence is even more important.

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God” (Psalm 20:7, ESV).

I have every confidence in the future – not because of my skills, experience or abilities (which are many and varied! ) – but because God is directing my steps.

While I make plans to pursue this or that or the other thing, I am aware that God may bring opportunities into my line of vision that I might never have considered. To resist those opportunities just because they are not in “my plan” is foolish. I know without a doubt God will lead me to the place He wants me, and I’m excited to watch His plan unfold.

3. Peace: 

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus,” Paul wrote (Philippians 4:7). I’m learning that the peace of God is a direct byproduct of confidence in God. When I am able to say like Job, “Even if He kills me, I will hope in Him” (Job 13:15, HCSB), then I feel the peace of God wash over me – not in the icy cold river kind of way but in the cleansing warm shower kind of way.

God is good, and He has a good plan. And He is teaching me moment by moment to “travel light and wear comfortable shoes” — a tag I’ve used since moving overseas 17 years ago — always ready and able to go where He leads.

A little thing called the "VRI"

So, if you're Southern Baptist, you may have heard what's happening with IMB these days. It's a little thing called the VRI. Essentially, IMB is cutting 600-800 overseas and home office positions to regain a healthy financial position. This is a good thing, and I applaud our leaders for the courage to take these very necessary steps.

What this means, though, is that during "Phase 1," IMB is offering a voluntary retirement incentive to overseas workers and home office staff who are at least 50 years old with 5 years of service.

That means I'm qualified.

I've joked over the past few weeks that at least I'm qualified for something. I just didn't expect it to be retirement.

In the days between the announcement and receiving my packet yesterday, I've had time to think and pray a lot about what this means for me personally.

Most of all, it's OK. I see it as a new opportunity to trust God. In many ways the VRI decision looks no different than other perplexing situations I've faced, situations that taught me to completely depend on Him, including the decision to follow His call to serve overseas with IMB in the first place. Throughout our lives and particularly over these past 16 years with IMB, He has led us every step of the way: From Powell, Tennessee to the Philippines. From the Philippines to South Korea. From South Korea to Thailand and from Thailand to Richmond, Virginia. We never moved on a whim. We always sought Him, and we are convinced that we are in this place at this time for His purposes. He knows what He's doing.

So, what does trusting God look like to me? Here are five practical applications:

1. Don't get sucked into the negative. I can't believe the number of blog and social media posts I've read that play up the negative and look for the hidden agenda in all of this. Really? How does this kind of rhetoric get us where we need to be? 
2. Position yourself to respond to God's direction. When we were praying through moving from Powell to the Philippines, I often prayed, "Lord, don't leave us alone until we are where You want us to be." I never want to be so encumbered or tied so tightly to a place or a position that I'm not willing to allow God to redirect me. This positioning might look different in different circumstances and seasons of life, but it's an important step for me to allow God the space to work. 
3. Explore options. OK, so I hadn't planned for this "thing." It may not be happening in my timing. What's next? I can't know where God is leading if I'm not willing to explore options. Granted, I don't have to follow through on any of them, but at least it helps to be aware of the opportunities. One of them just might be God's perfect plan for this time.  
4. Relax. This is always one of my favorites. Take a deep breath. Focus, and remember Who is in in control. Although it sounds like a cliche, He really isn't surprised by any of this. And He will finish what He has started in my life. 
5. Wait. So far, I can honestly say that I have no idea what God wants me to do with this. I also know that He will make His path clear. And if He chooses to remain silent, I'll stay right where I am. Moving when God intends you to stay can be just as disastrous as staying when God wants you to move. I try to follow this time-honored advice: If God is silent, trust the last word He gave you. He will speak when He is ready.  

So I'm trying to take my own advice: Travel light and wear comfortable shoes, ready and willing to go or stay as God leads, however that looks, whenever He's ready. 

Thanks for your prayers!

Travel light!